You Left a Mark

Mood: Thoughtful
Listening to: Droplets by Colbie Caillat, uh no wait.. it just switched to Right as Rain by Adele

I apologize for the lack of blogging in the past few days, I could blame it on being busy .. but the fact of the matter is that I wasn't. I just didn't feel like blogging.

So, I have been reading numerous blogs by fantastic writers, among them my sister, who really make me think. I sit there and give my own analysis of their little peek inside their world. And some of these people, I don't even know. Yet, their writing draws me in. It envelopes me into a world in which I'm not too familiar with, but I still wish that I can stay .. In other words, I'm left wanting more. I, myself, value knowledge. I devour it.

However, the ironic part in all of this is that there seems to be a common theme among many of the blogs I'm following: Change. Yes, change. Inevitable change itself. I am terrified of change. I'll be the first to admit it. It scares me. It's enticing, at times, perhaps. But there is nothing worse than being comfortable and having it yanked out from underneath you. The warm safety of familiarity is probably one of the things I enjoy most about life, although there are few times I am able to enjoy it. For example, routine. If my routine is ever disrupted, I become somewhat upset. Change happens, however. I've matured. Those who I grow up with have matured also. Everyone likes to think that they don't drastically change. Although, the perspective is different when you're standing on the outside looking in. What depresses me the most is that we all used to once be friends, and now we smile at each other like we've just met yesterday. I find myself changing every day. I'm at a crossroads. There are so many things I want to be, styles that appeal to me, ideas that strike me as interesting. Then, realization dawned on me.. I can be everything I wish to be. I don't have to conform to just one title or label.

I strive for uniqueness. I've always felt like I had a special quality that set me apart from others, call it conceited or self absorbent if you will, but it's true. And to this day, I still have faith that I'm going to be famous. Eh, not to jinx it. Sure, I have my doubts. Then I think of my Plan B. But, I don't know how I can survive if I don't become successful in the music or entertainment industry. It's all I truly want to do. Then, I want to be a lawyer, photographer, interior designer, writer, and teacher. Haha. Oh boy. And if it's not all possible, I can tell you I'm going to make it possible. My determination would be so strong if it weren't for my laziness mingled with procrastination. Nonetheless, I know it's going to happen. All of it.


Keep dreaming,

-L.