I like you a lot, lot

There are quite a few things I despise. I really despise it when someone puts a towel on the floor and expects me to use it afterward. Don't think so. I fear when a shadow runs under the crack in a door. Innocent it may be, but I have an overactive imagination. I hate disappointment. True disappointment. When you know you could have done so much better, but for some reason or another you weren't able to. If there's anything I can't stand- it's raw, emotional pain. When emotionally, you're hurting so badly it turns into physical pain. I dislike conflicted thoughts; making hasty decisions.

What I love is citrus-y smells. They create a vibrant energy that surrounds you. It produces positive thoughts. That's how I feel about a simple scent. I am amazed at the kindness that people present each day. I love the complexity of unraveling someone's personality. Even though I never will fully understand anyone. I adore when people remember the little things I tell them and refer back to them. When someone manages to concentrate on all the details, and not just the big picture. Most of all, I appreciate everyone that has ever made a difference- for the good, or the bad. Because all of it has taught me a thing or two, whether it's to be weary of those you trust or to remember that friendships don't always last forever, as much as we wish they would; they just don't, so cherish every single second. Don't be afraid to let others in, just do it with caution.


"...You left me boundaries of pain
Capacious as the sea,
Between eternity and time,
Your consciousness and me."
-Emily Dickinson

Ciao,
-L.

You Left a Mark

Mood: Thoughtful
Listening to: Droplets by Colbie Caillat, uh no wait.. it just switched to Right as Rain by Adele

I apologize for the lack of blogging in the past few days, I could blame it on being busy .. but the fact of the matter is that I wasn't. I just didn't feel like blogging.

So, I have been reading numerous blogs by fantastic writers, among them my sister, who really make me think. I sit there and give my own analysis of their little peek inside their world. And some of these people, I don't even know. Yet, their writing draws me in. It envelopes me into a world in which I'm not too familiar with, but I still wish that I can stay .. In other words, I'm left wanting more. I, myself, value knowledge. I devour it.

However, the ironic part in all of this is that there seems to be a common theme among many of the blogs I'm following: Change. Yes, change. Inevitable change itself. I am terrified of change. I'll be the first to admit it. It scares me. It's enticing, at times, perhaps. But there is nothing worse than being comfortable and having it yanked out from underneath you. The warm safety of familiarity is probably one of the things I enjoy most about life, although there are few times I am able to enjoy it. For example, routine. If my routine is ever disrupted, I become somewhat upset. Change happens, however. I've matured. Those who I grow up with have matured also. Everyone likes to think that they don't drastically change. Although, the perspective is different when you're standing on the outside looking in. What depresses me the most is that we all used to once be friends, and now we smile at each other like we've just met yesterday. I find myself changing every day. I'm at a crossroads. There are so many things I want to be, styles that appeal to me, ideas that strike me as interesting. Then, realization dawned on me.. I can be everything I wish to be. I don't have to conform to just one title or label.

I strive for uniqueness. I've always felt like I had a special quality that set me apart from others, call it conceited or self absorbent if you will, but it's true. And to this day, I still have faith that I'm going to be famous. Eh, not to jinx it. Sure, I have my doubts. Then I think of my Plan B. But, I don't know how I can survive if I don't become successful in the music or entertainment industry. It's all I truly want to do. Then, I want to be a lawyer, photographer, interior designer, writer, and teacher. Haha. Oh boy. And if it's not all possible, I can tell you I'm going to make it possible. My determination would be so strong if it weren't for my laziness mingled with procrastination. Nonetheless, I know it's going to happen. All of it.


Keep dreaming,

-L.

I Just Want To Sing

"Garden" - Mirah
Oh oh i really wanted that thing
I just want to sing
I love you baby
Won't you bring
All the flowers you
Find out in the garden
Don't tell me the truth
That your heart has hardened

But you don't want me anymore
How can it be
Look what you've done to me

Oh oh
Oh oh the bee does quickly sting
I was wondering
If you could maybe darling
Think? I'd give everything
If you'd grant my love a pardon
And all the fruits
Again would fill the garden

But you don't want me anymore
How can it be?
Look what you've done to me


-L.

Whispered fallacies.

Yes ;) The above title is a fragment of a sentence from an essay that I just recently FINISHED!! Woo hoo!!! Ladies and gentleman, a round of applause for yours truly. "Ahem, AHEM-" she has to ahem twice due to the fact that the audience is cheering so loudly in pure pride for her, "Well, I'd like to thank my best friend for sitting there on the phone with me, no wait.. She DISTRACTED me from my essay. Alright, well I'd like to thank my sister, Madeline.. fuck, not her either. She seriously stole the computer back every chance she got.. Well alright, my mom? No.. Err.. Grandma? Nahh.. Well then, I'd like to thank Beyonce. Because without being able to put her song "Sweet dreams" on repeat, I would have never been able to get through the writing process"


Hahah. This is what lack of sleep does to you. WHY AM I STILL UP? Well, actually it's because I just wrote like 5 articles on Helium, but only published one because I am going to proofread it in the morning just to make sure that there are no errors.

SHIT. It's light outside. Now, I'm never going to sleep.

ADIOS,
I'm going to attempt to fall asleep, but probably fail miserably. On the other hand.. I AM extremely ezhausted.

Okay; Good night, er, morning. For the normal people

x's & o's!
-L.

Pieces of You

I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD. Everywhere I turn he's there, reminding me. Everyday some thought or another pops into my head about him. & The sad, pathetic part about it is we don't even speak.

I need a whirlwind relationship. Yes, yes, yes.
My goal for the year: Find a whirlwind relationship before 2010


Impossible. Yes, I always seem to aim for the impossibilities.
I'm going to write a novel. It's decided.


My closing thought for the night: HELIUM.COM is the best thing to walk the halls of virtual cyberspace AKA the internet.


-L.

You're the Perfect Lullaby

Today was pretty interesting.. After assuming I was going to stay home all day & just do homework and perhaps clean my room, I opted to head on a few errands with my Mom and Ryan- bringing Skyler along too, of course. So there we were- me, Madeline, my Mom, Ryan, and Skylieee- going down to Industrial city(I know ! It sounds like a horrid name for a city, like machinery and factories have consumed the city and what's left behind it metal & pollution in all it's glory) for some Dim Sum. Now, I myself have never been there but upon arriving I realized that it's a mainly Asian dominated population- hence the Dim Sum scouting. It's not a very pretty city, but there was no old metal lying around and the clouds were not of a smokey gray tone. I was able to breathe clearly and it was not dominated by the evil polluting emissions of harmful gases in the air. We arrived after a fairly long drive and entered a center in which the main store was 99 cent Ranch. I still believe one of my favorite lines of the day was "Some has road rage" in a sing-song tone, made by Skyler and directed towards Ryan. But Skyler was along so there were many favorite lines of the day, haha. So we finally found a parking space and walked into the restaurant where our Dim Sum awaited. It's really surprising to me that I have never had Dim Sum but I was ready to try it ; aha. Then we found out it was closed. So Ryan suggested a Korean grill place similar to Benihana. "Oh like Yoshinoya," Skyler said. Yeah, it took a while to drag myself from the floor after collapsing in laughter at this. We got in the car and drove to said grill restaurant. It was closed. FINALLY, we ended up at another Korean Grill place. Nothing glamorous, but nonetheless, a grill place & it was quite good. The restaurant was called "Feedable". Yeah, weird name.. After stuffing myself we headed back to the 99 Cent Ranch. We browsed around, which was nice.

Then, Skyler got dropped off and we went to Barnes and Noble, which I adore. But I hate it because I see so many books that I long for. I select dozens and dozens until I have a nice pile next to whichever corner I decide to cozy into and I read the first couple of pages of each books. Oh my, I love books. I'll never ever stop loving them. Monday, Skyler and I plan to go. He's going to wait with me while I endlessly read. I can't wait! I've decided to become a regular there. I'm never going to buy just read, read, read inside of Barnes and Noble.. which I feel bad for the author, but I have a lack of cash flow and all money I get needs to be directed towards my much needed new wardrobe.

So now I'm home. I'm exhausted. No, not really. I just say that often. Just to put noise out there. I'm sure others do too. Actually, I complain a lot. Just to say something. Oh, yes. This is the part where I re-read what I've written and realize how crazy I sound. Oh well.

I'm procrastinating sooooo much on this essay. God. But, I have a plan. I'm GOING to be successful even though this school year was a bust. But I'm going to try my hardest. That's all I can say. I have my set goals. OH ! & I finally got my planner(: Yay ! Now, my life can be so much more organized. I'm so happy :D Straight A's here I come !


.... Well, more like straight D's and C's. But you know what? Even though it sounds terrible, if you knew how much I've missed since the school year started you would be happy. I can do so much better, but unfortunately teacher's these days aren't so understanding so I'm going to have to accept this.


Alright. Time to go on Myspace some more and watch Youtube videos, while silently convincing myself that I'm going to finish this essay.


Very much love,
-L.

Dreams with a Purpose

"I believe it important to emphasize how strongly I feel that books, just like people, have a destiny. Some invite sorrow, others joy, some both."
-Elie Wiesel, Night

I agree with this statement so strongly. Books are so powerful. A book can be successful. A book is much more than the author behind it. It's more than words spoken from a person. A book has a life of it's own. A book is a world you can immerse yourself in and forget all the noise of reality. A book lasts forever. Books have personalities and, at times, charisma. Sometimes, books have positive or negative impacts. Whatever feeling is left, it almost always is a strong one.


Buenos Noches,
-Lexie

Something Special

I feel today that I should give you a bit of perspective on what I'm doing as I write this. Currently, I'm sitting up in my bed, three of my dogs are in the room with me; One is next to me, laying on her side, the other is laying at my feet, while the another is on the floor constantly itching herself. I stayed home sick. & I can't stand sore throats. To me, they're the worst part of being sick. Well that and the runny nose. I have just got done eating.. a bunch of stuff that isn't healthy for me.
Yes, my eating habits are atrocious. Today, I feel like I'm going to get some shocking news.
It has grown into an obsession with these two songs ; "Gotta have you" - the Weepies and "Garden" - Mirah. Go listen to them, I gave it a chance and was pleasantly surprised. Now it's your turn!(=

I'm reading Harry Potter over for the 16th gazillionth time. Yes, I'll never grow bored of Harry Potter or Twilight.

I had another tiff with my mother last night. Oh joy. & now the drowsiness from my medicine is coming on.

SORRY SORRY SORRY this was a pathetic excuse of a blog post, I'll catch you up later !

xoxo,
-Lexie

Cynical

I think we should take the word forever out of our vocabulary. Nothing is forever, nor will it ever be. We're too human to achieve forever. Everything in our DNA goes against forever.


Forever.
Ha. What a joke.

I'm heading to bed now. I have to wake up to four more hours of testing and whatnot.
Oh joy.

-Lexie

In a perfect world

the word "victim" would not exist.

My Destination.

I haven't arrived yet, to this mystical place that I desire to be. But today I felt like I was getting there. I have come to terms with quite a few things. I have accepted that I've moved on from that stupid relationship I spent so many thoughts on.. Well, no that's a lie. It'll probably come up in my thoughts tomorrow. But nonetheless, I am on track once again. School-wise I am going to definitely accel. I know I can do so much better, but my laziness hasn't allowed it. Finally, once again I am going to be a productive human being. I haven't has a reconciliation with my mother. Yeah, that's not going to happen any time soon either. SO for now, I am going to settle for civilized cohabiting with each other.
I am going to be more organized, in everything I do; my thoughts and schoolwork. I'm going to watch my mouth more carefully from now on. I am not going to let my emotions get the better of me. From now on, no more petty little drama fights. They are so unbecoming, and why sit there and try to prove a point to an uneducated, ignorant human being? They're obviously clouded by their own selfish thoughts. But I do ask that they come up with better one-liners. They were a bore to read.
I'm sorry I'm rambling and you probably haven't the slightest clue what I'm talking about. Bear with me. This is a midnight post and I thought I'd make the best of it, from my point of view.
Recently, after hearing the announcement of the No Doubt tour, I have become infatuated with their songs. I wish I could get tickets, but that's not happening. I'm trying to my hardest not to spend every chance I get. I'm not going to waste it all on food anymore, I swear. I need to save up for clothes. I am in desperate need of a job. But before that happens, my grades need to go up. And I'm not even sure that can be made possible. Hopefully, it can.
Boy, boys, boys. Do I even have time to deal with them? But I like the thought of pointless flirting. Let's just stick to that. Because, every time a boy happens to come into my life, well it's not as if I become irresponsible and focus all my attention on him.. I jut waste more energy thinking about said guy and it's much more energy than I wish to spend on one teeny, tiny, unimportant boy.

Well, it's time I take a page out of my sister's book,
Stay Classy- as she would say.

Au revoir,
Lexie

Yes!

Mood: Determined
Listening to: the quiet hum of my Laptop

Perhaps everything does happen for a reason, contrary to my belief.. Well, I wouldn't go so far as that but this probably has happened for a reason.

Goal for this week: Staying focused, getting back on track
My mantra: I think I can(:

031209.

I don't wanna hurt you cause I don't think it's a virtue
But you and I have come to our end
Believe me when I tell you that I never wanna see you again
And please can you stop calling cause it's getting really boring
And I've told you I don't want to be friends
Believe me when I tell you that I never wanna see you again

How on earth could I be any more obvious?
It never really did and now it's never gonna happen with the two of us
I don't understand what it is that you're chasing after
But it makes me really sad to hear you sound so desperate
It just makes it harder

Fading Away

Well, hasn't this just been a drama-filled weekend? Much to my displeasure.


You're all ignorant & pathetic.

-Lexie

Right as Rain

My goal for the week: Not to condemn those who have different views or opinions than me.

No Such Thing

You know, I think I'm just on a roll today. I'm fairly annoyed at censorship. Rappers that have no originality. Unoriginality in general, actually. The lack of sensible people at my school. But, it is high school so what did I expect? The challenge of everything. Nothing comes easy. And while some may embrace that, let me be the first to say that I would appreciate it if something was easy every once in a while. Why must we work so hard to- dare i say it?- live?

I'm irritated that I'm unsure what to do. Torn decisions. Because I'm going to have to make one very soon. And it's not going to be a right or wrong decision. It's one of those decisions that is going to have it's pros & cons, but in the end you're going to have to severely analyze it to determine whether or not it was the right or wrong one. I'm irritated at negativity, though I, myself, am being rather negative in this post. But come on! I try to be positive. I actually strive for positivity and happiness. But then again, what majority of the human race doesn't?

I'm extremely frustrated with how the school system works. And in my opinion, it's not effective. I mean, don't get me wrong. It's not like I learn absolutely NOTHING. But I feel so rushed. As if, I'm so busy trying to get enough CREDITS to graduate I don't have time to slow down and smell the roses. Perhaps, this system is all they can come up with for now.. but, I'm sure there's a much more effective one out there. We've lost sight of what education and learning is really supposed to be about. It's supposed to inform young minds. Transfer knowledge.

I can't stand trust. How long it takes to build it up and how fast it can be destroyed. It's all unfair. And I hate the saying, "Life's unfair." Well it may be, but that doesn't justify shit. Oh, excuse the language once more. It all correlates with life being hard. I'm just tired of it all.

And there you have it, my morning rant. I think I've managed to use six synonyms of annoyed, ha.

-Lexie

030809.

So my mood this morning is currently annoyed.

There's many things I'm upset about & one of them is my annoying relationship. Fuck immaturity. Pardon my french. I'm so aggravated right now. And my thoughts are pondering what I should do. Eh, oh well. Let's save our troubles for a rainy day.


Sharissa and Madeline are still sleeping. As always, haha.

I'm stuck on what I want to eat. I can't decide.


Until we meet again,
Lexie

030709.

I'm pleased to say that this is a good morning. And I have high hopes for the weekend. Last night was quite fun(= Sharissa and Skyler came over and we all danced in the dark in my room, numerous times. And then we had a lovely little chat with Amber and Danielle(haha, Sharissa). Then we ate dinner, filmed a new Sharissa and Lexie at 6:30, interviewing Sky which you can find here: youtube.com/lexieandsharissa. Yep. Uno was fun, also. Skyler & I made alliances, haha.

So Sharissa stayed the night and I think my sister, her, and I are going to perhaps get our nails done. Then who knows? Who's up for window shopping at Huntington? Me(=


Well, catch me later!

"You look like giraffes, right before they're about to mate" - SkylerM.


XOXO,
Lexie(:

Desperation

So, I'm shopping online and I have figured out I want way too much. And I get myself into these silly little predicaments, because I always find something and then I reason with myself: "Well if I get this, then I'm going to have to get something to go with that."

I mean it's absolutely ridiculous. Yet, I still do it.

Anyways here's some of the things I'm going to get:




















& That's my lovely list(=

Ta-ta,
Lexie

You're So Two Thousand and Late

I'm stuffed, at the risk of using that dreadful word. It's the only adjective I can use to describe myself.

Supermex is alright, I don't think I want to go back. Yeah, me and Clarissa say that all the time.. yet, we always find ourselves walking into Supermex.


I'm off for the night.
Sorry this was so short,

-Lexie

Lingering Thoughts

Rainy days. Those two words are incomprehensible to me. I live in Southern California, therefore I refuse to accept the fact that it rains on us. Rain in California is disgusting, it's not even the slightest bit as magnificent as it is in New York. & Is it just me or do Californians decide to drive so much faster in the rain? & There's ALWAYS an accident on the way to school so I have to leave the house ten minutes earlier, just to guarantee I'm not tardy for the six billionth time.

I grow rather tired of the endlessness cold also.


Well, I'm going to have lunch with my best friend.

Arrivedercci,
Lexie

& the air did not move

Movies I have watched in the last two days:
Resident Evil 3
Shutter
The Wedding Planner
Gone With the Wind
It Happened One Night
Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins
Hannah Montana
Fool's Gold

It's been a dreary, long two days. Eye infections are definitely not fun.